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It Was Not My Fault

Updated: May 23, 2021

It was the same scene every Friday night. After a few talks of how annoying the work week had been, they let their plates and utensils continue the conversation. I looked up and he didn’t see me. His wife… The one whom he had sworn to love and cherish till death do us part while I promised to remain faithful until that same time limit comes up.

Was it my fault? Did I just allow for this to happen in our marriage? Was I just too accessible?

No, that was not possible. He was barely at home. I made every single attempt to get him to come home on time and sometimes, I even stayed up until he got back and that was after 2 or 3 in the morning, but then, he would claim to be too tired from a hard day’s work.

On Friday nights though, his best friend came along and took the attention I wanted. They talked and I sat there and listened, all the while, I was wishing that he would just look at me with desire; a desire that said that he wanted to take me on the dinner table, regardless of who was witness to our passion; a desire that said that he wanted to pull on my hair and have me on the stairs leading to our bedroom; a desire that said that he wanted me and only me as I felt him filling my insides with the fruit of his loins.

The same desire his best friend showed me as he sat across from me at the dinner table. The same desire his best friend showed me the night before, when he came while my husband was having another late night in the office. The same desire he shared with me for the past 3 months, on the dinner table, on the stairs, in my marital bed, in my showers and even on the balcony.

I love my husband. I truly and honestly do. But…

I’m lonely.

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