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DONNA SAVAGE - I'm A Superwoman


I met Donna a few years ago when helping an acquaintance with a podcast they had.


Someone who spoke and shared about sexuality as freely as she did was very intimidating at the time even though I had started the Late Shift, but it was also inspiring as well.


Consistency is how I would define Donna. She had not changed who she was over the years. She remained in the same stance and in her lane. If anything, she evolved.


Now a podcast host and an author, she provides the world with a message of positivity through sexuality and sensuality that is actually needed.


And this interview... It was just a pleasure to speak with her!





My first question is a question that I just started implementing in my interviews because I feel like this is a question that actually goes with the women I interview. So the question is, every superhero has an origin story. What is yours?

Okay, so I came to Canada, at the age of 17. My parents were married, they got divorced. My mom came to Canada for a change. I came to Canada at 17. As I said, I came here the Wednesday. I met my ex husband on the Saturday. So I grew up in a home where sex was never a thing. Never a thing. We never talked about sex. We didn't talk about masturbation. We didn't talk about period. I learned because I went to Catholic school in Jamaica. So we knew we were going to have period. And so it was never a thing. Anyways, um, got pregnant at 21. And I'm going to tell you, Robert, the scariest part of the pregnancy was that people knew that I was having sex. Not that I was pregnant. It was that I was having sex. I was not married. Yeah, so that was the scariest thing for me. Anyways, we shack up. We didn't get married right away. We got married way after. Then we had four kids and within the 25 years of relationship and marriage, I've never obtained an orgasm. Didn't understand clitoral orgasm either. And I think it was three years before I decided that, you know, I could not do this anymore. In terms of keeping that secret. I mentioned it to my sister. We went downtown for a vibrator. And she's going into the store. I'm married with children. I refused to go into the store. I was maybe 40 at that time. There was still a stigma and shame around sex. But it's so funny. We grew up together in the same house, same mother, like we do everything together. But we have two different mindsets. You know, I was older. She's the second one. So things that I've seen, she didn't. Things that I learned. I told her. So I think that was where the difference came in. She was just pure because of the things that she learned from me. Anyways, she went in and got the vibrator, and gave it to me. And I'm thinking this is not going to do anything. This is a friggin machine, you know, like, whatever. I think I had this only for a couple months. So out of frustration and I went in my drawer and I use it and then I'm thinking... Okay! So this is what that's supposed to feel like! Never had that! Even having oral sex. It wasn't a thing.


Yes! I remember back in the day, like it was taboo to talk about it.

No, we're having oral sex. But I was not even having an orgasm from oral sex.


You were not?!?

Never had an orgasm from oral sex. Nothing, nothing. So I'm thinking there's something wrong with me. Until this vibrator and I said, there’s nothing wrong with you, my girl. There's nothing wrong with you. Fast forward, we got divorced, separated. And I said, I wanted a side hustle. And I said, I'm going to sell vibrators. So I said, I'm going to call the business Savages Desires because my last name is Savage. It’s a powerful name and I never realized how powerful it was until after divorce. Because I was an introvert. I was shy. Like everything was internalized. And people don't believe me when I tell them, I was an introvert. I still am.





I can't believe that.

Nobody can believe I'm a natural introvert. And I decided that I'm going to start this business called Savage Desires. Because at that point, during our marriage, I didn't think I was desirable. I thought I was an ugly duckling. There was nothing about me that I loved because this is what I was taught and they used to tease me about. So self esteem was low as hell. So I started my business. My slogan was Guarantee A Smile. Because you're guaranteed a friggin smile when you're done using it. So that's how my business started. But when I started the business, Robert, there were still shame around sex. So anyways, I was selling the vibrator. And I remember I went to my girlfriend who introduced me to my first show. But at that show, it was people who were just buying and that first sale, I think I made $3,000 that night. So I started talking to people. This girl invited me to do a party at her house. I've never been to a sex party before. So I had no idea. So I thought I'd go, I’d set up and people would purchase. And she asked me, are you ready? And I looked at her and asked talking about what? Oh to talk about the toy.


(Laughter)

That was my first show! I was sweating. I've never been to a party, but I knew the toys. I could not have a conversation with five or more people before and this room had maybe about 30 women, all staring at me. And there was still a little bit of self doubt and a little thing about shame around sexuality. And here I am trying to explain it. I bullshitted my way through that party that night. And then a lady came up to me and she said I'm not having an orgasm. Do you think it would work? And I said, guaranteed that it will work. And we spoke and then she said sometimes she doesn't want to have sex with her husband. How can she communicate with her husband? And sometimes she saw ashamed of how she looked. She was comparing herself to everybody. She was the first person and then 4 more ladies came to me before the end of the night. And that was the same conversation. I'm going to tell you, Robert, those are the conversations I was having with myself internally. And I went home that night. And I filled up my bathtub, and I started to cry. And the reason why I cried is because I'm saying, holy shit. I'm not the only one that's going through this. Because remember, I'm internalizing everything. I'm not having a conversation with no one. As much as I told my sister I wasn't having an orgasm, the conversation stopped. So I'm newly divorced. Started a new business. I have no clue what I'm doing. And then here are these women exhibiting the same exact things that I'm exhibiting and it's like a relief. And then my business started to pick up. It picked up in sales, but the part that was picking up more was questions. It was a consultation piece that I was still bullshitting my way around until I said that I couldn't do this anymore. So I had to stop the consultation piece because it didn't sit well with me if I knew for sure that I, myself, was not achieving those orgasms or achieving those feelings that these women are supposed to feel. So I start pumping up the toys only. And what happened is I started working on myself. I start asking questions. I went to an NLP coach. An NLP is a Neuro Linguistic Practitioner. Our body stores so many things. It stores stories from our ancestors and our parents and our grandparents and the abuse and the mental abuse and physical abuse and whatever abuse. Even if it doesn't happen to these are things that we see and take it on because as human beings we take things on. We take on people's energy. And I have been taken on people's energy and I took on my ex husband's energy and I took on his verbal abuse and physical abuse. So my body was just so heavy. You know, but I can't blame him for me not having an orgasm because that started way before him. You cannot have a loving relationship or a beautiful orgasm, if you're not going to be present. You can't have an orgasm that way. Orgasm is energy. It has to flow. It can't stop because if it's gonna stop, you're not gonna achieve an orgasm. So I never got that until I started to connect to me. In order for me to look after myself to attain those orgasms, I had to acknowledge that there was work to be done on me. And until that work is done on me, then at that point, changes are going to happen. So now my communication has to open up. If I'm not feeling comfortable with someone or someone is making me uncomfortable, I have to speak up and don't pretend it's okay. Because it's not okay. And remember, six months after I got married, I went on my first date. I was 43 years old. And on my first date, this guy was just looking at me like this and smiling and he said to me, oh my god, you have beautiful eyes. It was like he was just describing me in a beautiful poem. I'm speaking about it in my book too. And he looked at me and he said your eyes are so beautiful. When I went home that night, I went to look into the mirror. And all I saw was flaws. I still hadn't seen what he saw. But when I started doing the work, and I started doing the work is when I saw it. And it took months for me to start to see it. So that is my origin story. It takes work. We can't wake up one day and say, I'm Donna Savage today. It takes work. You have to first admit that there's something wrong. We have to be mindful, we have to be present. We have to be forgiving. We're not forgetting but we're forgiving. We have to reach a place of no ego, no thoughts. And judgment free zone, because my life and your life are two different journeys. I have to learn to enjoy my journey. And I can't compare myself to others. And I did that for many, many, many years comparing myself to others. Not in terms of what they have but what they are doing differently than me. But I'm unique, you're unique. I had to come to that realization that I am special and I'm unique and I have to take my journey.





This is nice. You know what? I wanted to ask if you’ve always been this outspoken, but here you are telling me you’re an introvert.

I took it on and never said anything.


But you had to do the work.

I had to do the work. Even when I get up and I'm speaking about sexuality. I can speak about sex and sexuality. But for many years, I could not even say that word sex. As I told you, I was more ashamed that people were going to realize that I was having sex when I was pregnant. You have to understand that sexual energy is one of the highest energies. You can manifest anything with sexual energy. You have to believe it.


All right. So tell me how's your family reacted to your business?

My business? So my immediate family has no problem with it. If I decided I'm going to be a person to pick up garbage. My family is okay with that. I swear that God and universe or whatever people want to call it that He placed me in the best family ever.They have no issues with whatever I do. It's my other family like the cousins. Those are the persons that had issues with it. I don't care. I have zero tolerance. You're gonna be with me or you're not gonna be with me. I don't care. My kids, my sister, my brother, my nieces. My nephew. We're good. I mean, my mother passed away seven years ago and her sister. She's fine with it. My auntie. She loves what I do. Initially my dad... I mean, he lives in Jamaica. Like we're not that close to him anyway, but he's around. And then when I started he asked why I chose to do that. A couple years ago, the man came to me and told me about a friend of his having a problem. What do you suggest?





(laughter)

You know what I mean? People want you to conform to what they're saying, but if you stand true to yourself and not be a people pleaser, people will turn around. I'm not here to please people anymore. I'm not doing it anymore. It's about me. It's my journey. My family's okay with it, including my aunt, and I know my mom would be fine with it too, if she was alive. Because I remember we bought her one too. (laughter).


(laughter) Nice! I love it! To stay on the family side of things... Because I know a lot of folks, if they were to enter this type of business, and having children... How do you let your children know about the kind of business that you're into?

So when I started with my business, my kids were still young. My oldest, I think she was 16. And she was okay with it. I have four children. Yeah, and I think Knoxanne was about 17. And then Shantae was about 13. And Brianna was about 10-11 years old. And I'm gonna go back for two seconds before I talk about Bri. I remember when I was married, and I left my ex husband, or we separated, whatever people want to call it. And I was in the room crying because in my head, I'm wondering if I did the right thing. Because of the children. Afterwards, I realized it was fear. When I sat with the girls, my son was still young, and she said to me, let me take the pictures. She was 11 years old. And I didn't have a lot of money. I didn't buy a lot of toys and all the pictures that we took, she helped me take those pictures. And she set them up. And she helped me take those pictures. The other two were just, you know, they were older teenagers. So all they're talking about is parties and friends. But they were fine with it. My oldest one and Brianna helped me with my first little Wix website. Now, when I used to go to parties, and I needed company to go, she came with me and she presented. I taught her. My son for many years, he blocked me on social media. (laughter)





(Laughter)

He went in my account and changed my name. I told him to put back my name and block me. I think he just unblocked me right now because he’s 18 and he’s fine with it. So to answer your questions, it was a sit down conversation. But you know, I didn't ask them. Because I'm an adult. I didn't ask them. I mean, for many years, I would be asking permission to do stuff. So it was a conversation. I said this is what I'm doing. You know, I'm going to do this business. I'm going to try it out. I'm going to figure it out. Because as I said to you earlier, I jumped in, I didn't walk into this. I literally jumped in because that one thing made me feel amazing. And I'm thinking all women needed to feel what I felt. And I thought that was amazing. So it was a conversation and they were fine. And they helped me with packaging and people order and stuff. So yeah, they're good.


So you were newly divorced. And you are entering this new business, and then you start dating again. Now how does that affect your romantic relationships at this point?

So that 's an amazing question actually. Because remember, even though I told you as much as I was selling the toys, there was still shame around sexuality. So I believe that how we feel is who we attract. So the person who was describing me how I was, that was my thinking. So I attracted this amazing man. But even if I was doing it, the kind of person that he is, it wouldn't faze him. But I noticed now that after him that men only want one thing. And I find that I didn't want to tell them about my business. But you know, what is it that you do is a question that always comes in there. And they would always ask if I used all those toys. And because I'm talking about sex, I'm the freakiest person. I'm out every week and I'm partying. People don't realize, Robert, that I am at home. Give me my robe and my slippers. And I'm in my house watching kung fu movies. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I am not that girlfriend. I don't mind going out once in a while. And having fun. But I like house parties. So every person that I would meet, they would assume that I'm going to swingers parties and getting tied up and getting beaten. Because that was the illusion. That was the fantasy of who I am. Because I am selling sex toys. I couldn’t be this beautiful woman selling sex toys and not a freak. It seemed like it's going hand in hand. So I was attracting those men. But the minute that I started doing the work on myself, the guys that I attract now are nothing like that. Because they're seeing it's a business. I switched my mindset, I switched my attitude and those are the men I meet.





That's cool. This might be a little personal here. And now you're dating. And you're going out on dates. You've had this epiphany that came with the vibrator. Now, the bar has been raised, for anybody that comes in contact with you in terms of a sexual encounter. My question to you now, would you say that things have improved now?

Yes. And I'm going to tell you why. Because if you remember earlier, when I was talking about orgasm, orgasms are supposed to be flowing. And if you're going to be rigid, and if you're not comfortable in this God given skin that God has created you with… If you're not feeling comfortable, there's no way in heaven or earth, are you going to enjoy having sex with anybody. Because you're going to be so self conscious of what your partner is thinking, because you're not thinking that he's appreciating every being, every cell or every morsel. People are hard on themselves. And that was me, too. It wasn't even about the way I look. I was just an introvert. I was just insecure. I was just not into me, period. You know, because this is what I've been told for so many years. So I was always in my head. So I didn't appreciate this body. So that's what's going to happen. Orgasms work in flow. Even if I'm doing solo by myself, it's about me enjoying every part of my body and the flow of energy. Cuz that's what orgasm is. Flowing up of energy. My thing right now is I just want women to understand how powerful and amazing and how orgasmic they are. I want them to reach a place that is just so loving and not be so hard on themselves.


So what is a misconception people have about you?

About me?


Yeah.

That I'm a freak. Don't care.


(laughter)

That's basically it. To be honest, I've never heard anybody speak ill about me. It is what it is. I'm a social butterfly. I'm usually liked. But the thing about it is, I'm not the person to be on the phone sitting in and talking to everybody. I'm not that person. The best thing is, I guess would be to ask people because I've never really heard any ill message about me. I should ask you because I met you. What was your first impression of me?





My first impression to you? Um, to be honest, to me, you were a boss and important, businesswoman and all that. That was my impression. My impression was that you were a serious person. I can make jokes that are outrageous for some folks. Some other folks, I tread lightly. So when I met you, it was just like, ok cool. Serious. The word freaky didn’t even come across my mind.

Because you don't have that mindset.


Oh, no (laughter)

You don't have that mindset.


I mean, I write erotica, so... (laughter)

So yeah, you understand it's a journey exam. I remember this guy that I dated for about a year and a half. You don't know people. I had no idea the type of person he was until after we broke up. You want to talk about freaky? He was the epitome of it.


What would you like people to see about you?

See about me? That I'm compassionate. That I'm a go-getter. And I mean business. And that's kind of it, you know? I'm a superwoman.


The struggles when you started, what were they? And are they still the same struggles?

So the struggles that I had, and it could be my own thoughts as well that our community was not supportive. Um, but then probably, it could be my own mindset. Because when I sit down, and I kind of look back, I do get a lot of sales from our community. And when I say our communities, it's always word of mouth. And initially, and it makes sense to that, when I started, I would always ask my friends for referrals. Well, your friends can give you so much referrals, it's going to run dry, you know what I mean? And as I said before, it's the fear of me going out there and getting my foot wet and asking other people to help me out. Because how are people going to refer me if I am still not sure if this is what I want to do? So I'm going to say it was my own fear of not trusting people, because I'm always thinking that people want something from me, number one. And number two is not having the capacity of asking someone else out of my circle, I'm always relying on people in my circle. And number three is social media was supposed to be a thing and every time I would put something in groups on social media, it would be that they would always come up with a reason for not sharing. And the thing is that I don't even post toys. I will post flyers saying on sale, but not toys per se, but like lingerie, stockings and, and stuff like that, and I would get knocked down. I remember, there was a particular group on Facebook, and it was supposed to be a woman's Facebook group in Durham and I had fishnet stockings. And I said to her, I want to post this and she said no. I don't want to offend anybody. I said, it's fishnet stockings. All it is, is stockings with holes. I couldn't get it. I could not understand the concept. And it's one of us. Putting up a flyer with somebody’s legs with fishnet on. And I still have the conversation up to now. And I said it's okay, so what I did was create my own group in Dhuram. Robert, I still created my own group and I still don't post. Because again, I'm living up in my head and I don't like being shut down. One of the groups that I have has over 1000 people and I'm sure that the majority of them don't even know that I sell sex toys. Because I'm not there with them. Although I'm there. I am not there because I've got shut down for so many years, that I don't want to offend anybody that even now I don't even do it. You know, I mean, the website is doing well on itself anyways, you know, I mean, so I don't do it. You know, sometimes I do forget because I've been doing it so long for so many years and our black community, I'm going to call it for what it is. If you put certain things in their sight, they don't approve of it. So even now when I do my shows, I have my five groups. My own personal groups that I post in. I would never go into any other groups and post anything. Because for me alone, my whole social media, I have like, over 60,000 people. So I use that as an angle. And then for the new product and new shows or my consultation, I'm starting to do paid marketing. Having that little team put together stuff. Because at one point, I have to rely on social media and I have to rely on word of mouth. Now, paid advertisement and paid marketing works for me. But our community, they did make me feel a ways for talking about sex and sexuality. I had to put on my big girl pants, and my big bra, because I haven't worked a nine to five in years. And I'm not going back there. (laughter)


So I feel like your business is transitioning now. The tides of change, as they come, what do they look like? What brings about those tides of change?

So as we were mentioning earlier on in my business, it was about selling toys and doing parties and stuff like that. I haven't done parties, and toy parties in a while. So anybody that needs toys is going to go online. For toys. I haven't done parties. But I'm looking to hire people to do parties for me, eventually. So my business has changed in terms of \that I'm doing more consultation. \ I'm doing workshops. We will do workshops for self love. Meditation through yoga.Just building us up. Building up women's self esteem. I do, felatio your workshops, too. But I'm probably gonna see if I can get somebody else to run that for me as well. A lot of more one on one called state consultation. You know, I want women to own their shit. And it starts with this act of self acceptance. Robert, it's been a friggin a journey and the seed has planted you’re finally seeing the root popping out, things are just changing because honestly, I thought I'd be selling sex toys. For the first point, I thought I was going to be selling sex toy for the rest of my life. And then I was thinking, Oh, no, I can't. And then things are changing.


Can you remember any point in time when you felt like, this is too much? And when you felt that way, what is it that brought you back and keep going?.

Every day, sometimes I say it's too much. But why am I saying it's too much? Because it's my own fear building up on anxiety. I believe, if we look too far back, anxiety builds up. It's the fear of not making. It is the fear that if I get something, I’ll lose it. The reason why that's one of my biggest fears because that is how I was brought up. But I have to show up. Because, you know, at the end of the day, this is what I want. And I know this is what I want. I am not my parents. Their failure of relationships or marriage is not my responsibility and this is what we take on. But what I need to do is just remind myself who I am, who I want to be, what am I showing up as? I'm showing up as this amazing, beautiful goddess. I have work to do. So yes, to your question. Sometimes I do feel like giving up. We're human.


This is gonna be the last question. What would be your advice for someone following in your footsteps? Mind you, someone who has experienced what you've experienced.

Follow my footsteps in terms of business or following my footsteps as empowering yourself?


Both.

So for me, empowering myself. I didn't do a lot of counseling or didn't have a lot of coaches. I acknowledge there was an issue for me. We cannot say I think there is something wrong, we have to know and admit that we need work. So for someone that's going to follow in my footsteps, just know where you want to go, know what the destination is. But we all have to do that journey to get to exactly where we need to go. And we have to be gentle with ourselves, and we have to forgive ourselves. Because we all make mistakes. We all fuck up. We can be hard on ourselves. It's okay. Things are gonna get better because we know where we need to go. And we have to go on that journey. Just get up, show up and be authentic.





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